"Two" Many Blogs

I want to write more in 2011 and it seems like I'm having trouble keeping up with one blog, let alone two. So, my big plan is to combine my posts about motherhood and life into the same blog. As motherhood is a HUGE HUGE HUGE part of my life now, it makes total sense.

Since I've had Inward Facing Girl for some time now, and the title and content are about more than motherhood, that's the blog I'll be using.

There's still some good stuff in this blog (and I don't want to lose the chronicling of my pregnancies), so I'm leaving it live for people to read the archives. Who knows? I may decide to use it again someday. But for now, on to Inward Facing Girl...I hope you'll join me there! :)

Happy 2011!

Back to Life, Back to Reality

This week I went back to work and Nathaniel started day care. The first day was so incredibly hard. I really REALLY didn't want to leave him there.  It's a good program and I'm not worried about his safety, but I just didn't want to leave him. There were many tears (mine...he was totally fine and smiley, thank God). The second, third, and fourth days were easier, but I miss the little guy during the day.

At the same time, I'm really glad to be working again. No, I wouldn't choose a full-time job if I didn't absolutely have to have one, but I also know that I couldn't be a full-time "stay-at-home" mom either. I know myself well (after all, I spent 40 years being responsible for only me and building my own life), and I wouldn't be happy if I didn't have a good bit of time during the week when I wasn't involved with childcare.

Now is the time to see how everything fits together. After eight weeks of maternity leave, it's time to see what real life looks like. Drew and I are trying to perfect our morning routine this week. Once the work thing gets figured out, what about everything else? Time to spend with Nathaniel, time to spend with Drew, time to spend with friends, time to spend with me...how does it all work? The answer to that question eludes me. And then there's all the laundry...

How do you moms do it? How do you organize your time and lives?

FREE: Adorable, Well-Mannered Baby Boy, Wardrobe Included

Okay, so I'm not really going to give you my baby, but there have been times during the past few weeks when I may have given the proposal fleeting mild consideration.

Lack of sleep. It seems like that's all people really talk about when they find out you're having a baby. "You'd better sleep now," they chant when you're pregnant. What they don't tell you is that you'd better make a list of all the things you like to do, notes about your personality, and reminders of your hopes and dreams because you actually forget who you are during the first few weeks of living with and caring for a newborn.

This is what I'm learning about motherhood so far...and it's only been four weeks. In no particular order:

• Full-time, stay-at-home moms have one of the hardest jobs on the planet. My husband works at home and can lend a hand during the day when necessary (e.g., I can take a shower uninterrupted every day) and taking care of a newborn all day (and the household chores that go along with it) can still be overwhelming.

• Feeling like you'd do anything to get away from your baby one minute, then 10 minutes later be absolutely dying to hold him is "normal." And this pattern can repeat itself several times in one day...or one hour.

• It is possible, although not preferable, to (somewhat) function on four hours of sleep.

• Sometimes you can feel so much love for your baby that staring into his sweet face will make you cry.

• Sometimes you miss your pre-baby life. This doesn't mean that you're a bad mother or that you don't love or want your baby.

• Sometimes you can miss your baby so much that you seriously consider leaving a movie (that you're enjoying and have been waiting to see forever) and rushing home halfway through it.

• Sometimes you look forward to your maternity leave being over and going back to work. This doesn't mean that you're a bad mother or that you don't love or want your baby.

• Other times you never want your maternity leave to end, you wish you didn't have to work, and it makes you sick and upset that someone else has to take care of your baby. 

• Other times you just want to run away from it all and live in Paris.

• Fussiness at 2:00 AM can transform the cutest baby in the world into uncute.

• Changing a baby in a public restroom is difficult. So is washing your hands while holding a newborn.

• Being alone with your baby can bring on some of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

• When you have a newborn, you can miss your husband even if he's sitting in the same room as you are.

• When you have a newborn, you can miss your TV even if it's sitting in the same room as you are.

• If you want to leave home with your baby, you have to carry a lot of shit with you.

• Strollers and car seats can be tricky to operate and may cause you to say things in front of your baby that he shouldn't hear.

• If your husband/partner/friend/family member offers to take care of your baby and give you a couple of hours to yourself to go to a coffee shop and write, take them up on it. Free time and sanity can be hard to come by.

Okay. That's what I've learned so far...that I can remember, anyway. More from the trenches later.

P.S. My laptop battery is low and I'm missing my adorable son. He and his father should be strolling over here any time now and I can't wait to see the little munchkin. And his handsome father. :) Sigh.

Catch Up with Me on Inward Facing Girl

I've been super busy trying to get moved and settled before Nathaniel's arrival, so catch up with what I've been up to on my primary blog, Inward Facing Girl. :)

The Waiting Game

Am I pregnant? Who knows.

There is a chance that I had sex while I was ovulating this month. Since my newly crazy menstrual cycle has left me with no freaking idea of my ovulation schedule, it's a game of wait and see.

Yesterday I thought I was going to have another early period (at 19 days), but so far it's just very slight spotting. Right now I'm thinking this could be 1) the beginning of another early period, or 2) implantation bleeding.

Only time will tell at this point. I'm just trying to go with the flow (hah) and not get too worked up about it either way. If am pregnant, yay, if I'm not, better luck next month.

In other news, my 40th birthday is coming up in December, and yesterday my husband and I decided that we'd celebrate it in NYC. I haven't been to New York since I was 25. I'm so excited!

The Other Me

In case you're interested, I also have another blog that (so far) has nothing to do with pregnancy or motherhood. You can find my other rants and musings at Inward Facing Girl.

IFG is my "main" blog, but I didn't want to write about pregnancy or motherhood there until I was ready to share my news with everyone I know. Now I'm really glad that I didn't.