So, I AM a Mom!

My Beautiful Son, Nathaniel Oliver Biehle - Born August 6, 2010

Whew. It's been a joyful, crazy, magical, dreadful, emotional couple of weeks. :)

I wanted to write about my birth experience before my brain is completely gone. It might be too late, but I'll give it a shot.

On Thursday afternoon around 2:45 PM I decided that I would watch the first episode of Mad Men online. Good show, by the way. That's when I had my first contraction. It was obviously noticeable, but mild, so I still wasn't sure if it was a labor contraction or a Braxton Hicks contraction. I continued to watch Don Draper smoke cigarettes. About 20 minutes later, I had another.

Then it was time to go to my weekly OB appointment. My doctor checked me out and told me I was 1.75 cm dilated, 100% effaced, and that Nathaniel was in the 0 station. I told him that I'd had 2 or 3 contractions at 20 minutes apart before I got to his office and he said that we should just keep an eye on things and see what happens. He didn't think I was really in labor at that point.

We left his office and the contractions kept coming. At around 4:30 or 5:00, they were about 10 minutes apart. I tried to watch the second episode of Mad Men, but even Don Draper couldn't distract me at this point. Okay, so maybe I could watch something else. Something I didn't really have to pay attention to. Maybe something I'd already seen. I turned on the TV and E! was showing Knocked Up.

Sadie: Where do babies come from? 
Debbie: Where do you think they come from? 
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby. 
Debbie: That's exactly right. 

Perfect.

But that didn't really work to distract me either. I finally started to think, "Maybe I really am in labor." Even though I felt that I needed to move around in different positions to deal with the contractions and use my birth ball, I still wasn't convinced.

At this point, I was in our living room with Drew and he was finishing up his work because we thought that there's a good chance we'd be heading to the hospital soon. I also did a few last minute things for work between contractions. We called our doula and let her know what was going on. At around 6:00, the contractions were 5 minutes apart. We were supposed to call our OB when they were 5 minutes apart for 2 hours. Drew made dinner. I ended up not being able to finish my dinner before we left for the hospital, so I got mad at him. :)

By 7:00, I was getting worried. Things that were going through my head: "I don't want to have the baby in my apartment!" "How am I supposed to deal with these contractions in the car?" "If it's this bad now, how bad is it going to get?" "Why didn't Drew make dinner earlier? I'm starving!"

We had most of our stuff ready for the hospital, but didn't have the bag packed yet. We rushed around to get everything packed, fed the cat, and called our doctor and doula at nearly 8:00 PM. I had just seen my OB a few hours before and I don't think he really thought we were going to have the baby that night, but he told us to go ahead and go to the hospital if we felt like we were ready to do that. I was definitely ready to do that.

I don't remember much about actually going to the hospital or checking in. We were in our room by 8:30 PM and the nurse came in to examine me and by that point I was only 2 1/2 cm dilated. Our doula arrived shortly after we did. The nurse called my OB and he said that he'd like me to be monitored for 2 hours. If there was no progression, I could go home if I wanted. Whatever, I wasn't going anywhere.

The contractions were more difficult at this point, and since about 6:15 - 6:30, they'd been about 4 minutes apart. Our nurse and doula suggested I try getting in the tub. I thought that sounded like a great idea. I kept wondering how long I could hold out without getting an epidural. I really didn't want to have one, but I also really didn't think I could do this without it. Each time I had a contraction, I felt like I was going to ask for one. Then, when the contraction ended, I decided not to.

The tub helped. It helped me relax, as much as one can relax when a baby is making his way through your body. For some reason, maybe because Drew is a fan and we saw him at the Temecula Balloon and Wine Festival in 2008, the Kenny Loggins' song, Don't Fight It started playing in my head. Thank you for coming to me during the birth, Kenny. I had a few breaks between contractions that seemed a little more peaceful...for a little while, at least. I stayed in there for almost 2 hours.

When I got back to the room, I found out I had progressed to 5 cm. Halfway there. The nurse called my OB to let him know. The rest of the timeline is pretty much a blur. My doula wrote some things down for me and will be sending the info soon, so maybe I'll update this post with more accurate information at some point. Here are some things that I remember:

• During the rest of the labor, I usually kept my eyes closed. I felt like I really needed to go within. I tuned most of the talking out and I hardly ever looked at anyone.

• It's not helpful for a nurse to tell you, "Okay, when you get to about 7 cm you're going to go into transition and it's going to be a lot more intense and you're going to feel out of control." She said this about three different times before my doula escorted her out and asked her not to say that to me again. Geez, lady. This is hard enough as it is. You think I want to hear that shit? Seriously?

• Some of the things that I heard about during my childbirth class (going into "labor land" when you feel out of it/in a different world, your body taking over and doing some sort of "rhythmic" activity) really did happen. Even before transition, at times I felt like I wasn't really part of the world that everyone else in the room was in. And during transition, I found some sort of rhythmic "chant" ("Sha! Sha! Sha! Sha!") that I used for a while during the contractions. 

• I stood up a lot during labor - walking, bouncing, bending over the bed, swaying. I also labored a good bit on all fours on the bed. These positions seemed to work best for me. 

At the end of transition, I started my pushing phase. Luckily, my OB made it to the hospital in time. He was actually stopped for speeding on the way there! The police officer actually called the nurse's station to verify that he was an OB and had a patient in labor! I thought this stuff only happened on TV. I pushed for 1/2 an hour. I remember thinking that even though pushing was really hard, it seemed better than transition. I was very vocal during labor - "Sha!"ing, moaning, screaming, whatever - but at this point, my OB gave me a tip. Apparently my doula and nurse had said this same thing, but for some reason it never made it through the thick cloud of "laborland." He told me to take all of my energy that I was using vocally, push it down through my body, and apply it towards pushing. That really helped.

At 12:55 AM, Nathaniel slithered out of me. That's what it felt like. Actually, when I tell people what it felt like, I use a sound to convey the feeling, but I can't do that in writing. My total labor time from 2:45 PM on Thursday to 12:55 AM on Friday was 9 hours and 50 minutes, and my total labor time in the hospital was 4 hours and 25 minutes. I was SO GLAD for it to be over. It was incredibly painful, but I'm really glad that I got to do it naturally, the way that I wanted. 

Right after Drew cut the cord, I got to meet my baby for the first time. They placed him on my chest where he remained for at least an hour. He was beautiful and perfect. I was so happy and so emotional and overwhelmed (in a good way). He nursed within the first hour, which was awesome. Unfortunately, breastfeeding did not end up going well and I just recently had to stop doing it, but that's another story for another day. I want to stick to the happy story right now. It was amazing to look at my baby and think that this little boy had been inside my body! And now he's here with us...and the adventure begins.

Week 39!

Okay, now I'm really starting to feel the waiting!

Only five more days until Nathaniel's official due date. He could be here any time now! Amazingly enough, sometimes it STILL doesn't feel like I'm really about to have a baby. I go into his room and look at those tiny clothes and still can't believe that someone who's small enough to wear them is about to be moving in.

Yesterday was my last day of working in the office. Now I'm going to work from home until I officially start my maternity leave. The organization that I work for doesn't offer any sort of fully paid maternity leave that is separate from vacation/sick/holiday time (which is really surprising to me since I work for a nonprofit children's hospital). Even my former company (a work-you-like you-don't-have-a-life market research firm) offered fathers two weeks of paid paternity leave that was completely separate from all other vacation/sick time. I'm sure their offering for mothers was even better.

I feel lucky that I get to use short term disability for 6 (vaginal delivery) to 8 (Caesarean birth) weeks, even if I'll only be paid 60% of my regular salary. But I don't feel completely lucky. Given what many other countries offer their mothers in terms of paid leave, I also feel extremely pissed off. Think there's a chance I could get German citizenship in a few days and collect my 330 days of paid maternity leave?

Week 34

I can't believe we're almost there!

We've taken a bunch of classes. We had our baby shower. We met with our doula this week to go over some things about labor and the birth. We're touring the childbirth center at our hospital next week. It's almost time...sort of. :)

The third trimester has brought some mood swings. One day I feel awesome and on top of the world and the next I feel irritable and/or teary. I know that some of this is because we recently had to deal with looking for a new place to live and moving, which is stressful even if you aren't in your third trimester of pregnancy, but some of it is purely hormonal.

Aside from the weird moods, physical slowness (it takes me much longer to walk to my office when I get off the bus these days), and difficulty getting comfortable, turning over in bed, and getting up out of chairs and off the couch, I'm feeling pretty good. :)

I'm so excited that it's almost time to meet our baby! I can't wait to see him, hold him, and kiss him for the first time. I can't wait to be a mom. I can't wait to get to know our son. I can't wait to see Drew with our baby. He's going to be such an amazing father and I can't wait to witness it.

I'm also nervous. I'm nervous about being a good mom. I'm nervous about knowing/learning how to take care of him. I'm worried about our finances. I'm worried that my lack of mommy skills will warp him forever. You know, the usual stuff. :)

This is going to be a huge adventure and I'm ready for it to start. I can't imagine what it's going to be like and I'm looking forward to finding out.

Week 25 - Birth Art Assignment #1

Last night Drew and I started our childbirth classes at Amazing Mama Birth Services in Bothell. Our instructor, Oesa, bases her classes on the Birthing from Within method. One of the Birthing from Within techniques is the use of creative expression (specifically birth art and journaling) to explore your feelings and attitudes about birth.

For our first birth art assignment, we had the choice of creating a "birth landscape" or thinking about creating our birth space and what we feel needs to be there. I chose the second option and created this drawing to represent what I need emotionally in my birth space.

In the middle of the page, there's a large pink circle with a dab of blue in the middle which represents me and Nathaniel, and right next to us there's a blue circle representing Drew. We're surrounded by a thick circle of red, which represents a strong bond of love and support. Nearby are two circles representing our OB and our doula, who are separate from us but still sharing our space and providing support. The black exterior represents all of the negativity surrounding birth, including other people's negative and unhelpful opinions, as well as the doubts and fears that swim around in my own mind. In my birth space there's a shield against this type of thought and imparted "wisdom." The warm colors on the inside represent strength and confidence and the cool colors represent being calm and focused during the birthing process.

I think that making birth art is going to be a cool way to think about my own childbirth perceptions and help me start to get into the mindset that I want to have when it's my time to give birth. I'm looking forward to next week's class! :)

Week 24 - Babymoon!

Drew and I are headed to Kauai for our first anniversary/babymoon trip. Neither of us have been to Hawaii and we're super excited for several days of relaxation and exploring. With all of the things that we have ahead of us, this looks like it could be our last chance to really chill for a long time. :)

When we get back, we immediately begin our apartment search. Hopefully it won't take too long because we're planning to move at the end of May/beginning of June.

We start our childbirth classes two days after we get back from our trip. In addition to the four week childbirth series, we're taking a "bringing home baby" workshop (practical newborn care), a breastfeeding class, and an infant safety/CPR class.

We have to finish our baby registry. My friend is planning to throw a baby shower for us a couple of weeks after we move into our new place. After the shower, we have to buy the rest of the things that we need for little Nathaniel.

Then, hopefully in this order, it's time for labor and he's here!

Week 20 - Halfway There!

I can't believe I'm at the halfway point! It seems like yesterday when I saw the word "pregnant" on that little digital stick.

I've been feeling pretty good and I'm getting more exercise. We recently bought Wii Fit Plus and I've been pretty motivated to use it. I also have some DVDs on the way - Summer Sanders' Prenatal Workout and Jennifer Wolfe's Prenatal Vinyasa Yoga and Short Forms 2 DVD Set. I'm trying to take advantage of the extra energy when I have it!

While I am feeling more energetic, I'm losing out in the sleep department. I've joined the 78% of pregnant women who experience insomnia during pregnancy. It started a couple of weeks ago. It's weird because I've always been a hard sleeper who falls asleep fast and doesn't wake up until morning. I guess my body needs a lot of preparation to get ready for those late night feedings.

Last week we met with and hired our birth doula. Rebecca seems great, and we're really excited to work with her. She's been a doula for about four years now and has attended over 100 births. We really liked her attitude, philosophy, and warm personality.

Warning...the next paragraph has a high ick factor.

Have you ever heard of placenta encapsulation? No? Neither had we. Drew and I read about this recently and my initial reaction was, "Eww! No way! I would never take capsules filled with my dried placenta." This is an optional service that our birth doula offers, so she gave us some information about it during the interview. I'm still leaning toward the no side, but after hearing the information and reading more about it online, I'm not as freaked out as I was when I first heard about it. There aren't any clinical trials that back the benefit claims at this point, so the evidence is really theoretical. Who knows, it could just be placebo effect - no one seems to be sure what effect the drying of the placenta has on the hormones/other stuff that are thought to be beneficial.  If anyone out there reading this blog has done this, please share your results in the comments section - especially if you've had two children and did it with one but not the other.

Okay, now that I've left you with that in your mind, time to move on and brighten the day for others. :) Happy Tuesday!

Week 18 - It's a Boy!

We had our 18 week ultrasound on Tuesday, and yes, we found out that we're having a boy! :) We're going to name him Nathaniel Oliver Biehle and call him Nathaniel and Nate. 

Our ultrasound tech was cracking me up. It was taking a long time for her to get all of the measurements that she needed. She was like, "This baby is either shy or stubborn...It's been a while since I've had one like this...Challenging." He was wiggling around all over the place to dodge the uterine paparazzi. She had me turn from side to side, sit up and lie back down, and go to the bathroom just to try to get him to move into better positions for his photo shoot. Finally, she was able to get everything that she needed. We'll go over the results with our OB sometime soon.

Last week we signed up for childbirth classes. These are independent of the hospital and are based on the Birthing from Within book. I'm reading the book now and I'm really excited about the classes. We'll start at the end of April and go through May. It's a little early, but we're planning on moving into a new place at the beginning of June and won't have as much time between then and our due date. This week I'm going to start talking to doulas so we can go ahead and hire one soon.

Over the past few days, I've written Nate's name a few times and it made me smile so much. It's kind of like junior high when you want to cover your notebook with someone's name and a bunch of hearts. :) Yesterday I got my first baby gift - tiny little clothes. So adorable. I can't believe that we're going to have a person that's small enough to fit into them! I've also received a couple of wonderful birth stories from some friends of mine who've had great experiences with natural childbirth. They were very inspiring and reassuring.  

This is all so exciting! :) I've never been so happy.

Yes, I Felt Something!!!!

Today I'm CERTAIN I felt it. Quickening. Fluttering. First fetal movement.

There have been a few instances over the past week when I thought I might have felt something, but I wasn't sure. It could have been stomach rumblings, gas, weird creaks, or whatever. But not today.

This morning while I was sitting at my desk and I absolutely felt the bubbly feeling that I've been reading about. And this time, absolutely nothing else was going on in there for sure, so I KNOW that's what it was.

I've felt it several times today. SO FREAKING COOL.

Week 16

Yesterday was a great day.

• We got a "negative" result for our Quad Screen.

• We met and liked our new OB.

• We got to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time.

• We announced our pregnancy to everyone.

On March 9th we're having our second trimester ultrasound and we'll be able to find out the gender. I'm so excited!

In other news, we toured our first day care center on Monday. They will have a space available when we need it, so we're planning to go ahead and reserve it. There are some things that I don't like about it, but it seems good enough for a backup plan in case we don't get into one of the places we prefer right away. Given how hard it is to find infant day care in this city, it will be a relief to know that we'll at least have somewhere to take our child this fall and I don't have to leave him or her with random panhandlers or Starbucks baristas.

Tears + Laughter Is the New Normal

My hormones have been making me so crazy lately. One day, I'll feel completely overwhelmed, like there's no way I'm going to be able to do everything I have to do. Note: Some of the things I'm thinking about don't even have to be done for months and, when I'm thinking like I rational person, I realize I have plenty of time to do them. The next day, I'll feel on top of the world, super productive, Ms. Has Everything Under Control. It's even more fun when I feel one way for about 20 minutes, then suddenly switch to feeling the opposite way. Good times.

Also, the sappy happy tears have started. It happens when I'm watching TV and witness a tender moment between a mother and her child. Yesterday it happened in a coffee shop. A mother was holding her tiny newborn at the table next to mine. First, I had an incredible urge to reach over, rub his soft head, and smell him. No, I didn't do it. Then the tears started. Then the laughter. Just thinking about it is making me laugh again. I also got a little teary when I saw a young girl put her arm around her mom. I need help.

In other news, yesterday I started reading Your Best Birth by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein. Having seen their documentary The Business of Being Born, I'm familiar with some of the material, but it's a good refresher and I think it will be helpful in generating questions that we should ask the OB we're meeting with next Thursday. I think it's also going to be a good resource to have when we write up our birth plan.

Next up: Blood draw on Monday for quad screen, results back in a couple of days or so, meeting with our new OB next Thursday. And probably more laughing and crying.

Week 12

Okay, I can see it better this time. I actually was able to see the heartbeat at my appointment on Tuesday! I realized that I wasn't looking for the right thing. I thought it would be a flickering white light, but no, it's blackish grayish bluish. They really should tell you these things.

Also, we saw the baby move! It did a little flip during the ultrasound. That was pretty awesome. It will be at least another month before I will be able to feel any movement. I'm really looking forward to that. At my appointment I found out that I have a posterior placenta. My doctor told me that because of this I'll be able to feel my baby move earlier and my husband will have an easier time feeling him or her kicking and punching as the pregnancy progresses.

Next on the agenda is the quad screen. I was confused about the type of screening test I was actually having, but this is the one. I'm having blood drawn for the test on February 22nd. My doctor said that he usually gets the results back within a couple of days.

We also had to discuss finding a new provider, since the GYN who has been following my pregnancy up until this point no longer practices obstetrics. He gave us a few recommendations. It felt kind of overwhelming to choose between going back to the midwifery clinic and going to an OB with a "midwifery style." After some thought and reading online reviews of the OB he recommended as first choice for us, I think we may have found our OB. We'll be meeting with him on February 25th. I've heard and read that he is very invested in your pregnancy and you as a person, delivers between 90%-97% of his patients' babies, is very open to and encouraging of natural childbirth, that his wife sews muumuus for you to wear at office visits rather than paper or other types of gowns, and a few mothers wrote that after he delivered their baby he brought in a guitar and played a folk song for their new family. LOL! I have to meet this guy.

So, things are going well and I'm starting to feel more positive about this pregnancy. It was great to have another good ultrasound experience and know that everything is progressing as it should be at this point. More later. :)

Week 9

I know. I can barely see it either.

Yay, a positive ultrasound! My husband and I were so nervous yesterday. The last time we had an ultrasound we found out that we had lost our baby. But yesterday's experience was great. Everything looks good so far - the heartbeat, size, placenta, and other measurements were all fantastic. It definitely gave us a little more confidence that things are going well, even though we're still not past the critical first trimester yet.

We're going back for another ultrasound at 11 weeks, 5 days, just to make sure everything is still going well. We'll have another one done a couple of weeks later as part of the First Trimester Screen. Once we have the results from that, we will decide if we're going to have an amniocentesis or not. I really hope that our screening result ratios are so great that we'll decide we won't need an amnio. I'm worried about the risk of miscarriage from the procedure, even though our doctor has an excellent track record. As far as I'm concerned, the celebration will begin after all that stuff is done and the results are in...somewhere between Week 14 and 17.

Still a while to go, still cautiously optimistic. It's hard to let yourself get completely attached or engaged when you've had a miscarriage. I think I'll feel tons better after the next ultrasound though. That's the same time that we found out we lost our first baby, so it will feel good to get past that mark.

Send good vibes our way!

(Almost) Week 8

In a couple of days, I'll hit the 8 week mark.

This past week, I've been feeling a little nauseated. No vomiting, but I've definitely felt queasy a few times. The fatigue is hanging on as well. By late afternoon, I'm usually ready for a nap.

I'm also having more weird food things. In addition to oatmeal, as of Christmas Eve, I can no longer eat eggs. I also haven't had chips and salsa for about a week, and have strong desires to eat oranges, apples, and salad. Seriously...NOT...MY...BABY. :)

A week from today, we will have our first ultrasound. I'll be 8 weeks and 5 days at that point. I'm pretty nervous about it since that's when we found out last time that something was wrong with our baby and he or she didn't make it. I really hope that everything is going to be okay with this pregnancy.

H1N1 Vaccine?

Have any of you pregnant women out there had the H1N1 vaccine?

There's some controversy surrounding it. The CDC considers pregnant women a high risk group for this type of flu and recommends that all pregnant women get the vaccine at any time during their pregnancy. However, there have been a few reports of women having miscarriages after getting the vaccine. Of course there's a chance that these miscarriages weren't caused by the vaccine, and the timing was just coincidental.

It's hard to know what to do. My doctor recommended getting the vaccine, and after reading about how dangerous it could be for a pregnant woman to contract swine flu, I decided to get it this morning.

Of course, now I'm nervous about it. I just wanted to see if there are any pregnant women out there who have gotten the vaccine and and their unborn babies are fine. Please let me know if you're out there!

Week 5

So, I've had some time to settle in with the news. I'm feeling pretty well, except that I've been more tired this week. I've fallen asleep on the couch before 9:00 every night. Last night I even missed Glee. I guess that's what DVRs are for. The only other symptoms I've had so far are bloating and gas. Fun times! :)

Yesterday I went to see my GYN. It was just an appointment to talk about the plan for monitoring this pregnancy. Last time I didn't have my first ultrasound until I was 11 weeks along, and that's when I found out that our baby didn't have a heartbeat and stopped developing at 8-9 weeks. This time, I'll have my first ultrasound on January 5th. I'll be 8 weeks and 5 days at that point. My doctor said I could have it a week earlier, but he won't actually be in town that day. We decided to just wait until he returned from his vacation.

I feel different this time. A lot more cautious in terms of getting too excited about it. Last time I just couldn't wait to tell people that I was pregnant, but I don't feel that way now. Not yet anyway. I'm worried that I'll have another miscarriage. I'm trying to take it day by day, and just be (relatively) excited that I am pregnant right now.

I feel really lucky that I was able to get pregnant again, and do it so quickly. We just started trying again in September, and I got pregnant in November. Getting pregnant twice in seven months without any kind of fertility treatment seems like quite a feat at my age.

So...so far, so good, I suppose. More later!

:)

I barely squeaked in before my 40th birthday on Tuesday. :)

I feel all kinds of things right now - shocked, excited, nervous, terrified. According to the  due date predictor, I'm only 3 weeks along. I'm excited, but because of my previous miscarriage and how early on this is, pretty nervous too.

I'm going to go be in shock for a while now. I just wanted to share this with those of you who've been following my story. :)

First Ultrasound Today - 11 Weeks, One Day

I'm pretty excited. In just under three hours I'm going to have my very first ultrasound! It's going to be so cool to actually be able to see the baby and really know that something is going on in there. Early pregnancy is so weird because all of these things are happening inside, but you can't really tell. You can't feel the baby moving and you don't look pregnant (although I'm pretty sure I noticed a slight belly bump this morning...either that, or I'm eating too many chips and too much salsa). If you're not having morning sickness (like me), you feel lucky but also wonder if everything is okay in there. It will just be nice to have some confirmation that there is indeed a growing, living baby in my uterus.

I'll also have blood drawn since this ultrasound is part of my first trimester integrated screening. I'm not sure how long I'll have to wait for the results, but I hope mine are good enough to make me feel confident enough to skip the amniocentesis. I really don't want to have a test that has even a slight risk of miscarriage.

More later.

Unsolicited Advice

Yesterday a friend warned me against my plan of having a natural childbirth. Granted, she recently experienced a natural birth and I have no idea what it's like, but it was also against her will. She never wanted to have a natural birth. She wanted drugs immediately, but her labor had progressed too far for her to have them. This birth experience went against her birth plan. Already, based on attitude alone, that's not the experience that I would have had.

We've only told a few people about the pregnancy so far. I can't imagine how much "advice" I'm going to get once we're completely out of the closet. Everyone thinks their way is the best way and they just have to pass it on, even if you don't ask. I'm sure it's only just begun. When pregnancy ends, "help" with parenting styles begin.

When people try to tell me that I don't really want what I want, it just pisses me off. These people do not have access to my brain. They have no idea what I think, and it's not my job to sway them to my side. I have no interest in doing that. All women have a unique pregnancy and birth experience. Sure, there are similarities, but I'm talking about the total package. No two pregnancies and births are alike, even for the exact same woman. I don't want to hear how there's no way you could have gotten through birth without an epidural. I don't need my choices to be countered by your horror stories or condescending "you just have no idea" pats on the shoulder.

I'm not saying that I want to live in a vacuum with no advice or information. I do want to know what other women have experienced...IF I ASK THEM. And frankly, if our attitudes toward birth (or parenting or politics or TV or whatever) are at completely opposite poles, guess what? I'm probably not going to ask. If we're not starting out even close to being on the same page, their experience will probably have little relevance to mine. Beliefs, attitudes, perceptions...all of these things play a role in medical or health issues and in life.

It's not like I'm super hardcore on my natural childbirth choice, that there's absolutely no way I would ever have an epidural. Ideally, that is what I would like. I want to do it drug free. But I'm not going to completely close myself off to medicinal pain management if I feel like I really need it. There are just other things I want to try first (hanging out in the tub, walking and moving around a lot...things I couldn't do with an epidural). In an ideal world, that will be enough for me. We'll see how it works out.

I would like to talk to some women who have had a natural childbirth and were happy with their choice. I feel like it's kind of hard to find those women, because we're pretty much taught to fear childbirth and many women wouldn't even consider having a baby without an epidural. I'm scared too, but I think that talking to women who have a more positive view of childbirth will help.

Week 8

Here are the big things (including my breasts) that have been going on lately.

I had to buy new bras...that were 2 cup sizes and 1 band size bigger than what I had been wearing! I told the saleswoman that I wanted something comfortable and supportive, and that I'd like to avoid underwire if possible. I had tried a new bra the week before, and while it fit fine in the morning, by afternoon the underwire was carving an unwelcome design into my skin and making my life miserable. She suggested the Wacoal Awareness Wireless bra and it's working for me so far.

My jeans have become tighter and more uncomfortable. I can still button some of them, but the result is something that muffin top doesn't even begin to describe. I decided that American Apparel was going to be my new BFF. Bring on the yoga pants, long tanks for layering, leggings, and soft jersey skirts with expandable waistlines!

On Tuesday I had my first prenatal appointment. I really liked the Certified Nurse Midwife that I met with, but unfortunately she isn't part of the practice and was just filling in for someone who was on maternity leave. The practice consists of four CNMs, and Drew and I will meet and get to know each one during my pregnancy. This visit consisted mostly of a long Q&A. We were really happy with her answers to our questions about the "rules" of labor under the care of the practice. I am free to move around during labor (a.k.a., not constantly attached to an IV or fetal monitor), I can eat or drink during labor if I want, and I am encouraged to give birth in the position that is most "comfortable" and natural for me. These are some of the questions we had after watching The Business of Being Born. 

She also told us about this cool option that they have for prenatal appointments called Centering Pregnancy. Instead of traditional appointments, you meet on your scheduled day with a group of about eight pregnant women (and their partners, if they'd like to come) who are due at the same time that you are. Each of you have your private time with the CNM, then you meet as a group for a long Q&A discussion session. It sounds like a great way to meet other women or couples and build a community support system. We're really excited to try it out. Our first appointment is July 29th. 

Yesterday, I scheduled an ultrasound and labwork for my integrated screening test that will check for the likelihood of Down Syndrome and other genetic issues. Once we have the results of these tests, we'll decide if we want to pursue further testing. This will happen on July 2nd. I'm kind of nervous about it because of my "advanced maternal age," but mostly I've been feeling pretty positive and trying not to dwell on possibilities. I'm going in with the attitude that my baby is healthy, and happy from all the root beer he or she has been begging for. Yes, this is a new thing. I hardly ever drank soda before my pregnancy.

That wraps up the big things for now. The journey continues...

Pregnancy Books

The day after I took my home pregnancy test, I rushed to the Baby Center website and began reading all about pregnancy. I'm a book person, so I was excited that it was time to start reading pregnancy books and find out about all of the things I used to think that I never wanted to know.

I'm reading a few right now. The first one is the one that everyone reads, according to their marketing anyway, What to Expect When You're Expecting: 4th Edition. It's interesting to see what's going on with your body and your baby each week, and what different fruit your baby morphs into. As my husband says, "Why does everyone want to eat our baby?" I'm in Week 7, so my baby is the size of a blueberry. Some people have problems with this book. I've heard that it's "too scary" and that it talks about issues that hardly ever happen and tends to freak women out. I haven't had that experience so far, but I'm also skipping over things that don't apply to me. If it's not happening right now (or I'm not interested in learning about it), there's no need to read it.

I'm also reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I've only read the first section of this book so far, which is a bunch of women's birth stories. It's pretty cool, but I have to admit that I got a little bored and didn't read all of them. It was nice to read stories of real women and what they actually went through in labor, emotionally and physically. I'm not giving birth at The Farm (and unfortunately, I might be too afraid to NOT give birth in a hospital), but it does sound fascinating and I'm kind of envious of some of these women and the experience that they got to have there.

The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy is my absolute least favorite so far. I've actually been offended by it a few times, and I'm not even halfway through it. It comes across as very pro-obstetrician and anti-midwife, but in a condescending way. I mean, there's basically one paragraph devoted to midwifery, followed by a How to Choose Your Obstetrician section with an annoying introduction that says something like, "You see how we've chosen for you to use an Obstetrician instead of a Midwife?" Ugh. It also tends to portray the husband or male significant other as a bumbling boob who can't understand or deal with anything, which is definitely not the case in my relationship. I love you, Sweetie. Also, the author appears to think you're insane if you want a natural childbirth. It seems like she's more comfortable with a scheduled C-section than anything in the natural realm. If this is your "girlfriend," who needs enemies? From what I've read to this point, I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone, and I'm not sure if I'll even bother finishing it.

This is a book that is on my "to read" list: Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation. There's also an accompanying website, which lists classes or workshops in your area. My husband found out about this during his pregnancy and birth research. See, not a bumbling boob. It seems to have a very "woman power" kind of vibe, and I like that.

Which pregnancy or parenting books have you read and enjoyed? I'm always looking for new ones to add to my list, so please pass them on!