Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Husband, A Father

When I first learned that we were having a boy, my initial reactions were:
  • Sad, no cute girl clothes. 
  • Yes! No teenage girl years!
  • Aww! :) A little boy! We're going to have a little boy! :)
  • I grew up surrounded by pink and Barbies. I love Gossip Girl. I loathe sports. What the hell do I know about (straight) stereotypical boy stuff? 
  • Maybe he'll want to be in the glee club or star in his school's production of Fame
  • My son has an enormous gift. The absolute best father and role model he could possibly have.
Unlike me, my husband has wanted to be a parent since he was a child. I was more interested in carrying a cap gun in my purse and striking Charlie's Angels poses around every corner of my elementary school, or staging a concert with my Cher doll.

When I was older, I still wasn't bitten by the motherhood bug. Even when my friends started having children,  it wasn't something that I was interested in doing myself. My first husband didn't want to have kids and I was happy about that.

But even then, I did have my moments. I went through three periods of time when I was interested in becoming a mother. The first one lasted a few months, the next one a few weeks, and the next a few days. I'm so glad that I never pursued a pregnancy because I would have done so with the wrong man in the wrong life.

When I finally met the love of my life, I wasn't that far past a divorce and the aftermath. When Drew and I first got together, I was concerned because I knew that having kids was a priority for him and I didn't know if it was something I would ever be interested in doing. Then I opened up. To life. To everything.

Drew and I have something that we call, "being open to the divine." Not closing ourselves off to experiences. Looking at what we're offered with an open mind and heart. We developed this together. Our lives have changed so much, become so much more, since we met each other. This is something we'll pass on to our child.

I can't even begin to describe how happy it makes me that our son is going to learn what it means to be a man from his father. A man unlike any I've ever met. Nathaniel is going to learn about patience and sensitivity, and how to express his emotions. As part of our Adventure Club, he'll be encouraged to explore and his sense of wonder will be nurtured. He'll understand what it means to be grateful and appreciative. He'll see what love looks like every day.

Our son is lucky. He's going to have a wonderful father. And a mother who won't mind if he wants to play dress up in her shoes.

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